Everyone loves a good fairy-tale. The Prince seeks out his princess, woos her over, battles all odds and pronto, together they live happily ever after. What could be more natural, right?
Wrong! Being able to find a suitable soul-mate is anything but simple. You will be surprised to find out how many women find themselves in this trap of abysmally destructive relationships, not once or twice but time and again. It is as if a vicious cyclone is sucking them into this crevice and they can’t seem to find their way into light. Let’s try to unravel this mystery.
Well, a very shallow explanation would be that some women seem to revel in this masochistic relationship. It gives them a vent to put forward their vulnerabilities on board and draw the attention and sympathy of those close to them.
In line with the above simplistic explanation, lies the innate lack of self-worth in many women who feel they do not deserve better. Their upbringing and the prejudices attached to them make them feel either they are not good enough, beautiful enough or capable enough. So, the relationships they tend to form also feed on the same insecurities and treat them with loathing and indifference.
Childhood insecurities play a large part into this mind-set of falling for disastrous relationships. Close encounter with either abusive, or indifferent or violent or callous or alcoholic fathers may push a woman to seek similar characteristic in her man, not so much as to punish herself but with the fatalistic hope of redeeming him this time around. Needless to say, such matches are hopeless.
Any action which stems from fear is bound to detrimental to one’s well-being. Clutching onto a relationship on account of the fear or the apprehension of being left alone is a potential disaster. Some women would opt for any no-gooder, free-loader or scumbag who would look at them rather than face the prospect of being stranded as a spinster tending to cats and knitting yarns by the kitchen shelf.
The misplaced ‘Mother Teresa’ syndrome works overtime in some women , making them falling for any worthless cad with the hope of redeeming him .Rest assured, this would never work for any adult who is already set in his ways and need no external motivation for change.
The responsibilities and vulnerabilities that come with the package of a steadfast and committed relationship is so daunting for some women that they would themselves jeopardise their chances by falling into the trap of one after another destructive relationships rather than keep their doors open for a true, soli, worthy life partner.
A misplaces set of priorities makes one’s blind to what one truly seeks in a partner. One gets waylaid through superficialities like good looks, good physique, good bank balance and ceases to lose perspective of the values which should actually matter in a life-partner, say, for instance, loyalty, steadfastness, shared culture, shared taste of books and good parenting skills.
Overlooking the red flags in the honeymoon phase of relationship is bound to leave a sour taste later. Over-possessiveness, jealousy, lies, deceit, over-spending, not being able to hold onto a job, reckless behaviour may all seem pretty exciting at the outset but is bound to create serious issues later.
Sometimes, it is a matter of timing. Women spend so much time, effort and their energy in trying to salvage a wrecked relationship that the right kind of partner just passes by.
The reasons are varied but the crux remains the same. As long as women seek external validation to make them feel good and complete, the picture shall remain black and dreary. Only an organically wholesome, happy and feel-good individual can hope to come across a life partner with shared set of values. It is important for women to be financially independent, feel worthy and believe in themselves in order to break this vicious cycle, once and for all.